06 May MY TOP 3 TIPS FOR DEALING WITH A LYING EX
This is my first post for a while, actually the first post for over a year, so please be gentle with me. In this post, I’d like to offer my experience and opinions in dealing with a lying or manipulative ex-partner, in my case an ex-wife. This post is about dealing with a lying ex, now I know there are always two sides to every story and this is my side only.
When the ex-wife and I first split everything was OK (in the sense of her lying), but after a couple of weeks things started to go downhill. At first, it was little things, like times the kids where picked up or the money I was paying wasn’t enough or didn’t get to her, or even so far as false accusations of cheating or physical abuse. Basically, it came down to bold face lies and her saying one thing and doing another. A theme I found out that seemed to run through our whole marriage when I took the time to look back. Even now I still get lied to about unpaid bills too and the actual divorce proceedings that are STILL underway.
Anyway here are my top 3 tips for dealing with a lying ex, hopefully, you can learn from my personal experience (MISTAKES) and don’t fall into the same minefields I ran into.
1. Kill them with kindness!
When someone lies to you and you know it’s a lie, it’s very easy to get mad. In my experience getting mad is one of the worst things you can do. Even if you are 100% right the second you get MAD you can forget it, YOU’VE lost the argument. If you get mad then she can play the victim and ignore the facts. I know it’s hard, very hard, but try and remain cool and calm, bite your lip if you have to. Just don’t lose your head (I know it’s much easier said than done).
2. Stick to the facts!
This one sounds like a no brainier. Of course, you stick to the facts Dave, you f**king Idiot! In the heat of the moment though it’s easier said than done.
For example, If you are talking about picking up the kid/s at a certain time and she starts going on about a girl you’ve been seeing or that one time you left the toilet seat up, STOP, re-centre yourself (I know it sounds like hippy dippy bulls*it, but I promise you it works or at least it did for me). BREATHE, then go back to the facts, in this example focus back in on what time you’re picking the kid/s up! Go back to the time or place you originally planned, even if you have to repeat yourself. Stick to the FACTS! You can’t go too far wrong.
3. Get a mediator (if you can)
I have been lucky in the sense that my dad has been a great mediator. My ex-wife ran up a lot of debt in my name (Not that I’m bitter or anything). Once we found out about all this debt via a credit score check (I had no idea as she was getting all debit letters redirected to her new address), I was very, very angry, not only was this a horrendous debt in my name, all I could think of was that all I’m going to leave my kids is a huge debt. Luckily for me, my dad (and mum for that matter) had the foresight to take the reins when dealing with the financial issues with my Ex-wife. They both were able to stay calm and keep disconnected from the situation that I just couldn’t do. I was too close to the situation and therefore too emotional.
Now everyone hasn’t got a parent to do this for them, but maybe you have a friend, a workmate, brother or sister who may be willing to take up this part of the fight for you. Otherwise, legal help is always an option, but I don’t have any personal experience in this (yet), so I don’t feel comfortable recommending anything regarding legal advice.
So, these are my top 3 tips dealing with a lying ex. Again this is my personal experience and advice, so don’t sue me if it doesn’t work for you. All I can say is that these above actions have worked for me. If you have any feedback or tips of your own then please let me know in the comments below. I need all the help I can get.
Thanks, Dave 😉